It has been said that competition when carried to extreme is one of the top causes of troubles in relationships. This manifests itself by one or both of the parties feeling the need to ‘WIN’ or ‘BE RIGHT’, doesn’t it? Why do you think that is? Isn’t it because of our pride and ego? And when one feels like they have won, how does the other feel? Typically they feel like they lost. Or if one party just ‘gives in’ to appease the other party, sooner or later they are likely to feel like the doormat and hold a grudge, aren’t they?
When you find yourself involved in a disagreement, have you ever stopped to think that just as you think the other party is wrong, most times, they believe that you are the one that is wrong? And you know what? There is a really good chance that both you and the other party are right about some things and also a really good chance that you are both wrong about some things.
One of the top lessons that I have been coming to grips with over the past several years is that it is not OK to end up with ‘win/lose’ results . . . as much as it depends on me. It is far better to take the extra time to see if there is a solution that both parties can feel pretty good about and walk away from the table feeling like it ended up being a win-win situation. Stephen Covey coined the phrase, ‘Fast is slow and slow is fast’. If we try to try to rush through situations, they are very slow to develop. On the other hand, if we take our time to work through situations striving to find win-win solutions, we develop strong bonds of trust that allow us to be able to work through things faster in the future because we trust each other.
Would you take a couple of minutes right now to consider any of your relationships that may be out of sync? Would it be helpful for you to slow down and try to learn to other person’s perspective even if you don’t agree with it? Then would you be willing to humble yourself to dialog with them to find a win-win scenario? Or if that just doesn’t seem possible, would you be willing to simply agree to disagree but do it in a respectful way? Do you really have to be right or to win? What value do you place on your relationship?
When you find yourself involved in a disagreement, have you ever stopped to think that just as you think the other party is wrong, most times, they believe that you are the one that is wrong? And you know what? There is a really good chance that both you and the other party are right about some things and also a really good chance that you are both wrong about some things.
One of the top lessons that I have been coming to grips with over the past several years is that it is not OK to end up with ‘win/lose’ results . . . as much as it depends on me. It is far better to take the extra time to see if there is a solution that both parties can feel pretty good about and walk away from the table feeling like it ended up being a win-win situation. Stephen Covey coined the phrase, ‘Fast is slow and slow is fast’. If we try to try to rush through situations, they are very slow to develop. On the other hand, if we take our time to work through situations striving to find win-win solutions, we develop strong bonds of trust that allow us to be able to work through things faster in the future because we trust each other.
Would you take a couple of minutes right now to consider any of your relationships that may be out of sync? Would it be helpful for you to slow down and try to learn to other person’s perspective even if you don’t agree with it? Then would you be willing to humble yourself to dialog with them to find a win-win scenario? Or if that just doesn’t seem possible, would you be willing to simply agree to disagree but do it in a respectful way? Do you really have to be right or to win? What value do you place on your relationship?
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